Facing a diagnosis can feel like everything is flipped upside down. For years, I’ve been dealing with mental health challenges, and recently, my physical health has taken a hit too. Chronic pain, illness, and constant fatigue have been my reality, along with trying to figure out an unknown heart condition. Then, during a routine pap smear, the results took a turn, leading to a biopsy with concerning findings.
After that, my mind was flooded with fear, anger, frustration, and the familiar dread of hearing those words: "wait and see." It’s something I’ve heard too often in my medical journey, especially with abnormal pap smears. But maybe this is the moment when waiting isn’t enough, when action has to happen.
As I get ready for my first appointment with an oncologist next week, part of me still expects I won’t be heard or believed. Years of medical gaslighting have left me with scars, making it hard to trust. But even in the midst of all the uncertainty, I’m holding on to hope, hoping that this time I’ll find someone who listens and works with me in my care.
I’m resisting the urge to dive into Dr. Google, knowing how easy it is to spiral into worst-case scenarios. Instead, I’m focusing on staying grounded in the present, staying positive, and leaning on the unwavering support of my loved ones. They’ve been a constant source of strength throughout this journey.
But I can’t help but think about what this experience means for those who don’t have a support system. Peer support is something I feel strongly about—a community where people facing similar struggles can find understanding and healing. I see a future where there’s space for peer support around pelvic health, cancer, and dealing with medical gaslighting. A space where people aren’t alone in their challenges, where we come together to hold each other through the hard moments.
It’s a vision of healing, not just for ourselves but for a healthcare system that often doesn’t see us or validate our struggles. A vision where compassion is the foundation, and no one feels abandoned. As I move forward in this journey, I’m carrying the hope that this kind of community can one day exist, a place where light shines through the darkness.