Holiday Support for Plurals, Spoonies, and Tender Systems

The holidays can bring up a lot. Grief, exhaustion, family dynamics, sensory overwhelm, bodymind flare ups, anger, tenderness, old wounds. For some of us, this season is just something to get through, and there is nothing wrong with that. These are some things that help me, and maybe a few of them will support you too.

• This season is temporary. It might feel sticky or heavy, and it can be hard. Naming that matters. You are allowed to be where you are. It will not always feel this way.

• If you can, spend a little time noticing what might be hard this year. Specific moments, certain people, sensory stuff, places in your body that hold old memories. If you have someone you trust, you can talk through possible plans or grounding options ahead of time.

• Keep expectations gentle and realistic. Family and group spaces are complicated, and you are not the problem for finding them overwhelming or confusing.

• You get to take care of yourself. You are allowed to rest, step away, decline things, or leave early. Your bodymind is not required to push through for the sake of the holiday.

• Sometimes writing a quick note or letter to a support person in your life (peer supporter, mentor, sponsor, friend) can help. You don’t have to send it. Just knowing someone outside the moment is holding you in their mind can be comforting.

• Gather small comforts ahead of time. Foods you like, something warm to drink, a sensory object that soothes you, a soft blanket, a familiar scent. Small things count.

• If you are plural, you might choose a couple gentle gifts or grounding items for younger or more tender system members. Let them open or use them whenever they need a quiet moment.

• Let yourself notice the micro joys: a laugh with a friend, a comforting meal, a nostalgic song or movie, or a gift that feels meaningful. These small comforts can be present alongside you as you move through this time.

• Keep reminders of the people who care about you somewhere you can access them. A short list, a text thread, a note in your phone. Don't forget to use it when you need.

• Try to line up support where you can. Know when your next support session or check-in is, or plan something with a friend afterward, even something simple like a phone call or a quick Zoom hang.

If this season feels complicated, you are not alone in that. I’m holding hope that you find a few moments of grounding or softness in the mix.