I truly believe that much of my chronic pain stems from stress, worry, grief and trauma trapped in my bones, screaming to get out. Holding my breath, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, has left me perpetually dysregulated and in a state of fight or flight. When I experience immense stress, I break out in rashes, my joints ache, my stomach bloats, and my sleep is disrupted—all signs that something is off. My body takes on the stress, manifesting very physically for me.
Unconsciously, I have often allowed things to disrupt my life and my nervous system. I let these things affect me, replaying them over and over in my mind until I make myself physically ill. I have been stuck in this cycle for years, letting things I cannot control stress me out until I am sick, inflamed, and utterly exhausted, completely out of spoons.
I am learning to listen to my body. The more I listen, the more I notice this pattern. The more I notice, the more I am aware. The more I am aware of what I give power to, the more ability I have to take that power back. To say, "No, I will not give you my power." To reclaim my power, my time, and my well-being.
Just the other week, I allowed many different things to take up space in my head. I let the stress of things I cannot control inflame me, literally. Now, I am lying here in a pain flare, covered in a rash, and having trouble sleeping because I gave my power to people who don't even care about me. They have shown me that my well-being is not their priority, but in turn, they have reminded me that it HAS to be mine. No one will prioritize my well-being but me.
Going forward, I commit to putting myself first. By saying "no," by shaking off stress, by moving it through my body, I refuse to let it take up space in these bones. Each day, I choose to reclaim my power, my wellness, and my peace. My well-being is my priority, and I will honor it fiercely.