Grief as a Living Practice

Grief is part of being human. It is woven into our existence, a natural and sacred companion that asks to be felt. It is both tender and consuming, both painful and clarifying. When we allow ourselves to lean into grief instead of resisting it, something in us softens. We begin to see more clearly who we are, what we love, and what truly matters.

Grief is not limited to death. It lives in the quiet corners of everyday life. It shows up in endings, transitions, lost dreams, changing bodies, and the slow realization that life will never return to what it once was. Our culture often speaks of grief as something to get over, yet it is not a problem to solve. It is an invitation to feel, to honor what has been lost, and to make space for what still wants to live within us.

My recent medical diagnosis has brought me face to face with grief in new ways. Losing my reproductive organs, living with chronic pain and fatigue, and navigating the relentless pace of medical capitalism have all been forms of loss. It is the grief of lost possibility, of letting go of control, of mourning the imagined versions of myself that will never come to be. And yet, these forms of grief are rarely named or witnessed.

For the first time in my life, I am allowing myself to weep without apology. I no longer hide in the bathroom or swallow my tears. I let them come. I let myself be seen in the fullness of my emotion. I have released the pressure to perform wellness, even turning down work opportunities so that my health and humanity can come first. In a culture that values productivity above presence, this feels like an act of rebellion and deep self-trust. No company or system will ever protect my well-being the way I can. That truth is both sobering and liberating.

Giving myself permission to feel deeply, to grieve without remorse, has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. It is not an easy gift, but it is honest. It asks me to show up for myself with tenderness, even in the most painful moments.

During my time in the Nine Keys Death Midwifery apprenticeship, I learned to face death with curiosity rather than fear. I asked myself what it might mean to live with death beside me instead of pretending it was far away. If I truly embraced my mortality, how would I choose to spend my days? How would I love, rest, and create?

Living with death in view has changed me. It has shown me that grief is not only about endings but also about the fierce beauty of being alive. Grief reminds me that love and loss are inseparable, that to feel deeply is to live fully.

In grief, I have found courage. In death, I have found tenderness. And in allowing myself to be changed by both, I have discovered a kind of freedom that feels like coming home.