Coping with shame is a deep, ongoing process, especially when it is tied to eating, body image, or past experiences. Shame thrives in secrecy and isolation, so breaking that cycle often involves self-compassion, connection, and gentle unlearning. Here are some approaches that have helped me and others.
Name It & Externalize It
Shame can feel like it is us, but it is something we have learned. Naming it and saying, "This is shame, not truth," can help create distance from it. Sometimes, I ask myself: Whose voice is this? Where did I first learn to feel this way? Recognizing that shame often comes from external systems like diet culture, fatphobia, ableism, and trauma makes it easier to challenge.
Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Punishment
Shame often tells us we need to fix ourselves to be worthy. Instead of spiraling into self-criticism, I try asking:
What would I say to a friend feeling this way?
How can I be kind to myself in this moment?
Even small acts of care like resting, eating without judgment, or wearing something comfortable can counteract shame's messages.
Bring It Into the Light
Shame wants us to stay silent, but sharing with people who truly get it, whether friends, peers, or a support group, helps release its power. When someone responds with understanding instead of judgment, it reminds me that I am not alone and my worth is not tied to my struggles.
Question the Narrative
I ask myself: What does shame want me to believe about myself? Then, I try to reframe it.
Instead of "I failed because I ate too much," I remind myself, "My body deserves nourishment, no matter what."
Instead of "I should be over this by now," I shift to "Healing is not linear, and I am doing the best I can."
Move Through It (Literally & Emotionally)
Since shame can feel heavy in my body, movement helps, whether it is stretching, shaking it out, or lying under a comfy blanket and breathing. Expressing emotions through journaling, art, or even crying also helps me process instead of holding it in.
Remember That Worthiness Is Unconditional
No matter what my eating looks like, what my body does or does not do, or how much I struggle, I am still worthy of care, respect, and kindness. Full stop. Shame tells us otherwise, but it is a liar.
How do you tend to yourself when shame shows up?