As a Death Worker and Grief Coach, I spend so much time talking about death and grief, normalizing conversations about the end of life. Normalizing grief as a companion rather than something to fix. But rarely do I hear conversations about the little deaths we encounter throughout our lives.
These little deaths don’t always come with outward signs of loss. They are the quiet, often invisible shifts that happen within us when our dreams are unfulfilled, or when what we envisioned for ourselves slips away. They might be the loss of an identity we once held dear, or the quiet surrender of what we thought our life would look like.
The dream of who we might have been, reshaped by living with madness; the death of a friendship that no longer serves us; the loss of a career path due to unforeseen challenges; or the fading of a future once imagined with a partner. The so-called American Dream, shattered by financial struggles, systemic inequality, political instability, and the inaccessibility of basic needs. These are all forms of grief that go unspoken but deeply shape the trajectory of our lives.
How do we grieve these deaths? How do we honor our grief?
One way is by having real, unfiltered conversations about these little deaths. Acknowledging them without trying to fix them. Putting an end to spiritual bypassing. Ending the habit of searching for silver linings and instead simply saying, "That sucks."
So much of grief work is not about moving on but about making space for grief to exist. For these little deaths to be seen. We need room to honor what was lost, even if it was never tangible. Even if it only lived in our hearts and minds.
Naming these losses gives us permission to mourn. To let ourselves feel the weight of what could have been. To resist the pressure to immediately replace loss with gratitude. Sometimes, there is no bright side. Sometimes, grief is simply grief.
What would it look like if we gave ourselves that grace? If we allowed ourselves to grieve the dreams that will never come to pass with the same tenderness we offer other forms of loss?
I invite you to sit with these ‘little deaths’ in your own life. Name them, honor them, and grieve them. In doing so, you may discover a deeper connection to yourself and to others who share similar journeys. What dreams have you had to let go of? How can you offer yourself the grace to mourn them?
These little deaths deserve to be mourned. And so do we.