If we know we need community, if we feel it deep in our bones, then why is it so hard to build? Why is it so hard to stay?
Many of us were never given a roadmap for community. We were taught to prioritize independence over connection, to leave when things got hard, to associate discomfort with danger rather than growth. When something feels difficult, we often believe it is a sign that we are in the wrong place rather than a natural part of being in relationship with others. And so we leave. Again and again.
But community is not about perfection. It is not about always getting along, never making mistakes, or feeling good all the time. Community is about choosing to return. It is about learning how to be in relationship with people even when we are hurting, even when we are struggling, even when conflict arises. It is about staying in conversation rather than shutting down or cutting people off at the first sign of discomfort.
So how do we begin?
Maybe we start by acknowledging that community is a practice. It is something we have to build and nurture over time. It is something that will stretch us, challenge us, and invite us to grow. It will ask us to unlearn what we have been taught about individualism and self-preservation. It will ask us to be accountable, to make amends, to repair when harm happens. It will ask us to trust, even when trust has been broken before.
Maybe we start by finding the places where we already feel a sense of connection, no matter how small. A peer support group, a book club, a mutual aid network, a friendship that feels grounding. Maybe we start by committing to something, by showing up even when it is inconvenient, by letting ourselves be seen and held in community instead of retreating into isolation.
Maybe we start by understanding that community will never be perfect, but that does not mean it is not worth it.
Maybe we start by staying.