If we are learning to repair, the next question becomes how do we practice accountability in ways that actually support healing?
Most of us were taught that accountability means punishment. We see it play out in every system around us. If you make a mistake, you are cast out. If you cause harm, you are punished. If you fail, you are shamed. Many of us carry deep fears around being held accountable because we have only seen it used as a weapon.
But real accountability is not about shame or exile. It is about taking responsibility in ways that nurture connection, transformation, and repair. It is about seeing harm clearly, naming it honestly, and doing the work to make things right, not just for the person harmed but for the community as a whole.
Accountability is not a checklist. It is not just saying sorry. It is not self-punishment or performative guilt. True accountability is active, ongoing, and rooted in care. It is a commitment to change, not because someone is forcing us to, but because we believe in building something better.
So what does this look like in practice?
It looks like listening without defensiveness. It looks like reflecting on the impact of our actions instead of justifying our intent. It looks like making amends in ways that center the needs of the person harmed instead of our own comfort. It looks like staying present when the conversation is hard. It looks like allowing ourselves to be changed by what we learn.
It also looks like holding others accountable with compassion. It looks like believing in people's ability to grow instead of assuming they are beyond repair. It looks like creating space for people to make things right instead of immediately shutting them out. It looks like challenging harmful behaviors without resorting to dehumanization.
This does not mean ignoring harm. It does not mean forcing people to stay in relationships that no longer serve them. It does not mean tolerating ongoing harm in the name of community. But it does mean questioning the ways we have been taught to throw people away. It means choosing to believe in the possibility of healing, even when it feels unfamiliar.
Accountability is not about perfection. It is about practice. It is about showing up, doing the work, and staying committed to something larger than just ourselves. It is about remembering that real healing happens in relationships, not in isolation.
We are unlearning punishment. We are practicing repair. We are building something different together.