If we are practicing staying, if we are showing up for community, what happens when things get hard? What do we do when conflict arises, when discomfort bubbles up, when we feel the urge to leave?
Many of us have been taught that conflict means something is broken. That when tension arises, it is a sign to pull away. That when we feel activated or uncomfortable, we should cut ties, protect ourselves, and move on. Some of this comes from lived experience. Many of us have been harmed in relationships, abandoned by the people we trusted, or made to feel like we had to earn belonging. It makes sense that staying feels terrifying when so many of us have had to leave situations to survive.
But there is a difference between harm and discomfort, between necessary boundaries and shutting down, between choosing to leave and running away out of fear. The more we learn to sit with discomfort, the more we begin to understand what is actually happening inside us. Are we feeling activated because something is truly unsafe, or are we experiencing the growing pains of being in relationship with others? Are we shutting down because harm has occurred, or are we feeling the tension of learning and unlearning?
Conflict does not have to mean disconnection. Discomfort does not have to mean abandonment. We can practice sitting with the tension, noticing what is coming up, and choosing curiosity over defensiveness. We can learn to repair instead of retreating.
This does not mean tolerating harm or staying in spaces that are unhealthy. It does mean recognizing that all relationships, whether friendships, chosen family, or broader community, will experience moments of conflict. It means being willing to work through discomfort instead of assuming that community should always feel good.
So what does it look like to stay?
It looks like taking a pause before reacting. It looks like practicing self-awareness and checking in with our bodies when we feel the urge to run. It looks like asking questions instead of making assumptions. It looks like having hard conversations, offering and receiving repair, and understanding that no one gets it right all the time.
Building community is not just about finding each other. It is about learning how to hold on when things feel messy, complicated, or unclear. It is about choosing to stay, not blindly, not at the cost of ourselves, but with intention, self-awareness, and a commitment to something greater than just our own comfort.
We are learning. We are practicing. And we do not have to do it alone.