Dear Imposter Syndrome,
I am not sure where you came from, and I still can't pinpoint when you entered my life, but I am done with you. I am unsure if you plague others the way you plague my mind. I see so many folks who seem cool, calm, and collected, convinced that the nonsense they are spewing is God's truth, while I am over here doubting my every word. I wish I had that audacity too. I feel that's what I lack—just a little. But then, I don't know if I want to know it all. I love being curious. That is the one thing you bring to this relationship. I am constantly pushing myself to learn, challenge my thoughts, examine my biases, and feel free to change my mind, my stance, my entire outlook.
If I let you go and exile you from my life, what does that mean for me? Will I be free, or will I be more bound up than I realize? So many folks I know who don't seem to have you in their life are the ones unwilling to be curious, to be challenged. Maybe you bring more to the table than I thought. Maybe the reframe is that I am not an imposter, and you are not a syndrome. Instead, I care deeply about being the best, most open version of myself. I have changed so many things I think. My outlook is ever-changing. I am always wanting to learn and grow.
Maybe I am not meant to be an expert but a seeker of growth and understanding, and you are a companion pushing me to check myself and grow. I am worthy of taking up space. What I have to offer is of value. I am not an expert in everything, but I am an expert in my own lived experience, and that is enough. I choose to embrace my journey, imperfections and all, knowing that my voice matters.
Sincerely,
Jenn J.
Commenti